suchiiban

Whew. I just got in from a long day. Got up at 7am to get ready for work... then headed out to my brother's new place in Surrey to visit for a while and pick some stuff up of mine. Had a few beers.. watched part of a movie... helped setup his new bar and dart board (bet my arm hurts tomorrow morning). All in all, a good day.

Works been going good. The 3D modeling part has stopped for now, but that just means I get to work more on learning the cool fun world of GIS, environmental and civil drafting. The GIS is actually QUITE interesting. I've spent the last two days like I was back in school, going through manuals, teaching myself new software step by step, then using this knowledge to work on some simple, yet surprisingly complex problems. And all 'real world' things too. As I told someone the other day, I actually get GIDDY when I complete this stuff. Giddy!!!!! I haven't been giddy since I was 8 years old and christmas came along. You know... that happy feeling inside that just creeps up your spine, exploding in your head, and making you almost want to jump up and down in pleasure. THAT kind of giddy. Over work no less. I SWEAR I've landed in the twilight zone or something.

I'm just glad tomorrow's Friday... then I'll have some time to think about what I've been doing lately... actually process what my life is turning out to be like, and oh... who knows... maybe even hang out with a new friend or two. Right now.. ANYTHING is possible it seams :)

Damnit. I just watched an episode of Sex and the City, in which they smoke weed. And I didn't have any of my own to accompany it with...

Mm. I just went for one of the best bike rides I've had in YEARS. My original plan was to just go to the bank and back. And in doing so, I figured I'd cut through the residential smorgasbord that is the area in which I live. And I let nothing stop me. I came to areas by which I needed to pick up my bike and carry it. I came across dead ends, where all I could do was turn around. and I even found some cool cuts through the bush that landed me not much further, but yet around large areas of housing mayhem. My legs will sing bloody murder tomorrow, and my arms and upper body will later tonight, but I'm telling you, this exercise and working out kick I'm in feels, to quote a famous actor, "Good. Goooooooood". *smiles*

So it was just after 1am. I was about to go to bed. And suddenly, one of my favorite movies came on cable. One that, even at this hour, with work coming in the morning, and a backload of work needed to be done, I had to stay up and watch it. "Chasing Beauties" is one of those movies that you identify with... not with any singular character, but with all or part of the plot idea. I won't say what the movie is about, since it may ruin it for someone who has not yet seen it. But I will suggest you do watch it, if you ever get a chance (its also called "loving Jezebel") to do so.

I saw this movie first a year or so ago, and it kind of shocked me. As I watched the movie unfold, I saw pieces of me on the screen, and I saw actions flowing across the screen that I myself had either done or thought of. I even overlook the fact that there is a character named Steve in it (cause it seems every single movie I see nowadays has one in it). Its almost a sad story, if it weren't for some underlying lessons that only show up if you sit through the entire film. And its kind of poignant that I first saw this movie at a bad time in my life, socially. Watching this movie, it helped me to re-align myself with my own beliefs and ideas, and to try and forget what others said to me or about me.

I just hope that, in some way, I end up like he did in the end (minus the gunfire of course), and that people come to accept me for who I am, and what I do doesn't define me as a person.

...and my upper body is still on fire. I'm just glad it didn't take drugs or severe am mounts of alcohol. HAHA. Let me explain.

It actually started Thursday. I went to a 'Building Bridges' party at one of the best downtown bars in Vancouver, Skybar. Basically, its a networking party for all the local people involved in the movie, tv and music industry. On all levels. Actors, producers, screenwriters, you name it. I even saw a couple of people I recognized from steady tv shows. Its also where I met this very sweet, very good looking future producer. We talked for the better part of the evening, and it made the night sooo much better. I'm already looking forward to the next one.

Then, Friday came. I worked, like usual, and then went to my brothers place. He was moving to his knew house this weekend, and has enlisted my help for most of it. My other brother and his wife where also in town for the weekend, also to help with the move. So for the first time since christmas, the 3 cornthwaite brothers where together again. We drank, we argued, we laughed... it was a typical 'brothers' get together.

Saturday came quicker than I had hoped. I don't usually see the light till at least noon, and I was up by 7:30am. AM. 7:30! I am still shocked. We where already cracking the beers by 10am, and we had completely moved him to his new location by 2pm. The moving van was completely packed, like NO extra room, and the friends pickup we used was also pretty jammed. We found that, when there's a will, there's a way, at least when moving very heavy couches. hahaha. After we had finished moving him in, we sat around, drinking more, talking more, it was actually quite busy. We all went to Moxie's for dinner (at this point, there where like 10 or so of us), and this was the only time when I wasn't having a great time. The Gay jokes started. Its amazing that no matter what you do to stop them, they always end up finding you again. Apparently now, even drinking a glass of wine with dinner means you live an alternative lifestyle. But I digress, the moment was only fleeting (an hour or so) and then we where all back at the house, having more beers, and snacking. We watched the video from throughout the day (yes, we where drinking and moving furniture, all on a time budget, and yet we STILL found time to swap the camera back and forth and videotape some of it).

Sunday was spend recuperating, as well as helping move boxes to their appropriate rooms (there was a small rushing around when we needed to use the new bathroom, and couldn't find the soap OR the toilet paper). Nice relaxing day really. Got home... and I was just so tired, I had to sit back and watch a couple of movies.

Now... the week has begun, and I'm just waiting... waiting... waiting for the weekend to get here again. And at this very moment, my server (which died on me late last week) is just waiting... waiting... waiting for me to strip it apart and rebuild it into my current system. Joy. :D

So I may not have actually witnessed all life has to offer, but now, I've seen everything. How does this grab you?

You can win an all expenses paid cruise through the Gulf Islands, 4 days & nights, full accomodations, all meals, beautiful scenery. Sounds nice, doesn't it? To bad its on a CARGO SHIP. Thats right. You get to tag along for four glorious days while the crew goes around delivering much needed supplies & goods to all the tiny communities in the area. Where do I sign up??!!

Now don't get me wrong, its a much needed service, but if you could at least go ashore for a day and enjoy the woods and the nature, it wouldn't be so bad as a Contest Prize. But the only time you go ashore is to sleep, if that.

Only in Canada could you enter a contest to win that. GOD I love it here.

Well, the last few days have been a little weird for me. Almost hectic, if you will. I started the week with the expectation of full time work with one company, and ended the week in full time employment of a completely different company. My, how the world turns. I am now officially under the sole employment of a company that, I see in the future, getting huge. Maybe not huge on the employee number scale, but huge in the respect of having worldwide clients, and big names at that.

And whats more, its eliminated one of my 'life goals' from the list. That's right, I've officially done something on my 'things to do before I die' list. Its funny. 6 months ago, things weren't particularly on the up and up with me... what with being employed... the possibility of having to move back to Vancouver Island, and trying to once again, start fresh. Now, I'm fully employed, I've started to work on not one, but two rather daunting projects (also from my list), that should prove, by the end, to be both challenging and rewarding. I'm also starting to make friends with more people, and if all goes well, I'll actually spend time on the beach this summer, and start to go to the gym again. I honestly think I feel elated about life now. That's something I don't think I've ever felt.

Any ways, I suppose I must go... I've got some website stuff to work on, as well as figuring out what I'm gonna do this weekend.

Light coming through the window again. Will I ever learn?

So I asked myself. Do mannerism's make the man? What mannerisms do people expect a gentleman to use, if a gentleman where to use them in the first place? I look at some of my own, like the 'playing with the earing' thing I do... or stroke the usually non-existent moustache I have (thanks to semi-regular shaving), or even how I hold my arms when they are crossed. Did you even KNOW there where at least two ways to hold your hands when crossing your arms? Over and under, and both under. One makes it look like your doing some serious thinking... while the other one seems to be more of a physical look, keeping everything symmetrical.

I really REALLY need to stop watching Sex and the City. Especially when characters named Steve are involved...

Ever see kids playing with ants, using magnifying glasses to possibly burn the hapless creature, and at the least, become an almost endless supply of torture for it? Yeah, you guessed it. I'm the ant, and someone has a magnifying glass on me RIGHT now... I can feel it.

First off, lets see how my weekend is going. Someone near and dear to me is leaving town, and I'm not even in a situation to say goodbye in person. I had to do it rather hastily, over the phone, a good 2 full days before they even leave. Nice, don't you think? Second, once AGAIN CIBC has messed me over with my bank account. This time though, it nearly spilled over the pot of 'lets screw corn' and impacted my parents. At least all it took to save the day this time was to stand in a dumbass lineup listening to dumbass public talk about dumbass reality tv shows, only to end up not getting the full amount of help I wanted (again). Thirdly (is that even a word?), I've suddenly been getting calls and emails from a whole plethora of companies I applied for WAY back when I was unemployed. Nice timing jackasses... couldn't have tried offering me work when I NEEDED IT?? (I suppose its a good thing almost nobody reads this, with remarks like that... haha). Oh yeah, and fourthly, I had to cancel my trip to see the parental units this weekend... so I could stay back and 'yeah' do more work. I do so love having two parttime, non-permanent jobs that filter into my personal time. Really gets the blood flowing! (or is that boiling...). In fact, I'm actually sitting at my work desk right now... trying in vain to figure out why something won't do whats its supposed to do, so I can get the heck out of here and start working on OTHER work... sheesh.

I think i'm gonna go now... I may break down soon...

Seriously, police officers need to find a quicker way of taking statements from accident witnesses. 2+ hours waiting around to give comments on something at 1am is just NOT what I like to do on a thursday night.

Because of this, I slept through my alarm, which made me late for work. Which made me miss breakfast. Which I'm pretty sure was the cause of my chest pains this morning. Unless I have a serious problem I don't know about. Not sure if it was the upper-stomach region, or more towards the heart. Either way, it was almost doubling me over in pain for a few minutes.

Now on to the 'good' parts of last night. My friend Charlie introduced me to a couple of rather nice girls, maybe a little younger than I expected at 18, but in this day and age, I'm not complaining. One of them was actually born in Lancashire, which just happens to be MY birthplace as well, over in England. Possibly even just down the road from me. I must converse with parental units later this weekend to find out. We had a rather enjoyable time watching a movie at Charlie's house. And I must say, 'Jeepers Creepers 2' was not nearly as scary as I originally thought it would be. Go figure.

Now I must endure the rest of the day at the office, and try to find time to see my friend sockgirl (link may not work, still fiddling with this journal thingy) before she leaves town for her new job. That is... if she's not already completely booked up. Then its work, work, work for me, right through till the 31st or so. Never a days rest for this young pup!

Wow, its been a while since I was on here. And surprisingly, not much has changed, except over the past few days.

I went to a going away party last night, for a girl I've not seen in person in since february of 2003 (although we've stayed in touch online). I really needed to see her at least once before she moved away, but I was a little reserved about going to another party at which I knew nobody. To the point even of planning to be there for all of 15 minutes to say my goodbyes, then leave to join coworkers at an all-night cardgame. Once again, my instincts where wrong.

I had a veritable excellent time. I met a ton of great people. Heck, I even got a new friend that wants to help me with my book (another story, i'll save it for another day). For some strange reason, I always seem to end up having a blast with people who are complete strangers to me.

But I digress. I think the main contributor to my having a good time was seeing this girl so happy amongst friends. I've always put the happiness of my friends above most things, and seeing my friends happy makes me happy. Ha. And I've not seen someone smiling for so long at one time in a LONG time... it was good to see again. Even though we've barely seen each other over the entire length of our friendship, I know that when she's gone, I'm really gonna miss her.

Must stop now... have a late tee-off time with a friend I've not seen in a long time. And I STILL don't have any plans for tonight...

Wow... its been a while since I updated. Talk about like old times eh? hehe...

Past few weeks have been kinda interesting. First off, lemme catch you up on the comings and goings of my life. First off, my 'fasting' is over. Well... it never really began. I lasted like a week. Kind of a letdown really, considering how well I did last year. Oh well... there's always next year, right?

As for financial matters and the like, pretty much everything is getting back in order. I still don't have much, if any, spare money to do anything with... but I've gotten rid of both my old credit cards... I'm starting to make a plan to pay off my student loan, as well as pay back my parents for all the help they've given me over the past 6 months. I mean, I still owe quite a bit to people or places... but the big ones that I was most worried about are done with, which is a HUGE weight off my chest.

Which brings me to another little thing I found out. I think I have some grey hair. And I'm worried its stress I can not see that's causing it. Which then gets onto the whole idea that I'm NOT in control of my life as much as I thought... and that there is still a lot going on I am completely oblivious too. I know both my brothers are starting to get grey hairs, but they are different. They have dark brown/black hair, so its easier to see on them... and they are both married, and don't have to worry about a lot of the 'things' I still have to worry about. I have red, almost blonde hair. To see grey in my hair means its a problem. And I'm not sure if women dig grey hair in young guys.. which is even WORSE for me. UUgggg... just my luck too.

Lets see.. what else has been happening. My friend Chuck seems to have found a new girlfriend, and he seems pretty damn happy right now. And I'm glad. I don't think he was quite as used to, or happy with, being single like me... so I'm glad he found someone. Who knows.. maybe he will be able to help contribute to my book someday.

Oh right.. my book. I've not really put it off.. so much as I've been slowly gathering bits of information. A lot of the times, slower than I'd like, but still... its getting done. I may also be changing the topic of the entire book.. or at least focusing on a single aspect of it for now. But you'll have to wait to see for yourself.

Ah yes... and my website. Its also slowly making a recovery from its comatose state. Its back online, although the only thing available on it is my resume (hahahaha). But its all flash, and remember, its still getting worked on, but here's the link:

http://cornthwaite.dyndns.org

Well... that's about it for now. Not much else has happened to me lately... but I'm sure if something does happen, you'll be the first to know. Ta ta...

Okay, I just finished watching Average Joe (for all those who don't know, its a tv show). Larissa is a beautiful woman, and I'm amazed that I was able to watch the entire series.. seeing as how I don't usually go for these 'reality' type shows. On the one hand, I feel SO sad for Brian... he was a real nice guy, and he was able to make Larissa cry with his emotions and what he could say to her, not to mention the changes he went through while on the show. And even though I hate to admit it... I am kind of glad Larissa made the decision she did. Had she chosen Brian, I know that at least for the first little while, she would have had the 'what if' in the back of her mind about Gil. Yet in choosing Gil.. she was able to find out the true feelings of both guys. She found out how shallow Gil really was, and ended up completely regretting her decision of who to be with... to the point of admiting on camera her gut instinct was completely wrong.

I do feel sorry for Larissa though... because after having to make hard decisions about getting rid of the men throughout the entire length of the show, she finally chooses one, and HE ends up leaving her. Although I had a gut feeling all along she WOULD choose Gil, I was completely shocked the way he acted. I personally thought he was a complete jackass, and although I don't know exactly how I would have felt in his situation, I certainly know my reaction would have been different. I wish I could say the same for alot of guys I know.

I won't say it made me cry watching the finale of the show... but it did nearly bring a tear to my eye... once when she told Brian her decision (and they both almost started crying), and again when Gil left Larissa... and she was devastated by the fact she seemed wanting to take it all back and choose Brian instead.

I hate thinking the show effected me this much... but its not often I really associate myself with people on tv... considering my own personal situations and experiences.

Well, I've been working at my old work for 4 days now. 3 days last week, and looks like all 5 days this week too. Its sad... I actually missed working here more than I realized. Course.. I didn't miss what I DID while working here. LOL. I was on my lunch, so I thought I'd update this damn thing.

My weekend was good. Worked here till 10:30 on friday night, so that was just a 'relax with movies' night. Saturday, I slept in a little, then I went to my coworker's place to watch the hockey game (which kicked major ASS, both a win for the 'nucks, and a shutout for Hedberg). Watched "Matchstick Men" and I hate to say it, but now I want kids. The feeling hit me about half way through the movie, and its STILL in my head to this very moment. I just don't know what to do anymore, my mind drags me in so many different directions. Sunday was a write-off... I didn't really do much of anything, except a little more sleep during the day, and some cleaning. Quite boring, don't you think?

Now, I have to prepare myself for working upwards of 16 hours each day for the next 5 days or more... possibly even longer, depending on certain things. Should be fun, to say the least. LOL. Anyways, I should really get back to work. They ARE paying me...

Sorry its been a few days... I've been rather 'busy' taking care of financial matters that just couldn't wait.

So... its almost March. Almost a quarter way through the year already. Crazy. And Lent just started 2 days ago... for those that follow it. For myself... I'm continuing something I started last year... something inspired by a movie, but that showed me not only that I have willpower, but that there are more things you can spend your time doing than you realize. I have decided, once again, to go for a full 40 days without something. Self-gratification... or the lack thereof for now. I did this last year, and everyone called me crazy for it. By the time the 40 days where up, it had extended from a mere 'fasting' of sorts, and more to a challenge. To which I lasted almost 2 full months. This time, I'm going easy... and keeping it down to strickly 40 days... it seems only right.

When I first did this, people asked me why I decided on it. And back then... yeah... it was inspired by a movie, and I sorta thought it would be an interesting thing to go without for a while. This year, however, I feel differently. My life, at least right now, isn't really going so well. My finances dwindle almost daily... I feel i'm a complete let down to my family and friends... and life basically sucks on most of the levels you can view it from. There really isn't much 'constant' in my life. Sadly... except for this. I don't feel its degrading (like some people I know do)... although it isn't quite normal either. Pretty much everyone does it at one time or another, and i've noticed that over the past few years... the very idea has become less of a taboo.

Now... I must warn people. Last time I did this... I got a bit cranky for a little while. So if you find an angry post... or a post that just seems to drip with sarcasm or annoyance... I may not be 'all there'... lol.

Anyways, its late, and I think I need some sleep. Lets hope I can make it till... *looks on pda* April 6th. Holy crap...

*yawn*

Well, its after 2am, and I'm still up. Probably will be for a while too. Tonight wasn't too bad. Went for a road trip to Abbotsford with friend Chuck, then watched the hockey game at a friends in surrey. Watched some 'Jackass' afterwards, then headed back home. My friend chuck is semi-snoring on his couch, and I'm just not tired. Plus I've been talking to a few friends of chucks online (but they know its me and not him). Its quite interesting. And tomorrow... we are 'supposed' to go play some B-Ball somewhere in Richmond... although where exactly we don't know yet. I'm sure we'll find somewhere. If the weather holds out.

As for the rest of my time... I'm now waiting to find out the next batch of work I do for my friend... all the while continueing my search for another parttime or fulltime job. Once I get my resume and portfolio working online... that might help a little. Anything can help at this point. I may be able to stay down in Van indefinitely now... but I'd like to make enough money to have FUN with (bars... sports... or just a movie once in a while). And SKIING... damnit. Need some skiing in soon, or I'll go nuts.

Well, I'm starting to ramble again... so I'm gonna go. Toodles... for now.

Well... first off.. let me correct my spelling from last entry. I was supposed to make a 'move' on the girl.. not a movie. Course.. a movie with the chick would have been way more interesting ;)

So I'm in a mental state of something which I cannot explain right now. For some reason.. part of me REALLY wishes I could go back and redo some of my previous years... fix some of my mistakes.. do things where previously I had done nothing. Another part of me wants to kick the ass of that first part, get rid of it completely, and focus on my future. And part of me wants to forget everything except the current day I'm on, and screw anything else. Talk about your mind dragging you in different directions.

I'm also starting to wonder if I'm even ready to plunge into the whole 'dating' thing. I'm 24, with basically no experience of dating (save a few attempts that could almost be called failures). Everytime I try and set myself up on a date, something comes up that gets in the way. Whether it be work... of I get super nervous about screwing it up... I can't say exactly. Things just don't go as planned. Maybe I never will be ready for dating... I mean I sometimes feel i'm wasting their time even making the attempt. Which is just sad... Why do love and emotions have to be so darn difficult..?

Well... my most hated weekend of the year has come and gone, and I actually had a good time to boot. Didn't get laid.. but hey, this IS me afterall. Friday night, I went out with my buddy Chuck... we met a chick from online for the first time, who had actually invited us out to her college grad party at Maverick's in Burnaby. Good night, but not overly late... I think we toned it down around midnight or 1am. Saturday night though.. whooee. Started out at my friend's place.. had a few beers.. watched some hockey. Then we went to Shinanigan's on Robson, apparently at which point I had a few girls checkin me out (something that doesn't happen often). Around 11ish, we then headed to The Royal on Granville. At which time I hit on a couple of women myself. And had I made a movie a little quicker (and not let some jackass take my place) I might have gotten somewhere. But hey... I was making a damn good effort... something I don't do often.

Course.. because I consumed tequila on Saturday night, I ended up hurling twice in my friends toilet the next morning. We where 'supposed' to be working all day, but ended up watching Zoolander and Office Space, ate a nice dinner of tomato soup, and then I came home. Quite a busy weekend for me, and Valentine's day to boot. Maybe Vancouver IS a good place for me to live.

And now I start collecting stories, information, and getting drafts done for my new book. I've even narrowed the title down to 3 or 4 possibilities. But you'll have to find out its name when I publish its first chapter.

I must go now... I'm a little sleepy, and I think I should stop messing in VIZ, and go to bed. Toodles.

Well. I find myself in a situation. And I'm taking a quick Hiatus from work to get it off my chest.

My first problems stems from years of rejection and girls just plain being unkind to me. Years of this have served to do just one thing... put a fear of women in me. Not just any fear though... a fear of getting close to them... and having my heart stomped on. I actually had a girl convince me to ask her out, just so she could say no. Go figure. Now, every year I tell myself that its going to be different... that i'll pluck up the courage to talk to women more... maybe even get to know one on more than just a 'friend' level. And every year nothing changes.

But that all changed two years ago on a day called new years eve. I went to a party with some friends... I met a very nice girl there, and I even went on a date or two afterwards. Heck.. a few months later, I even had a girl pick ME up in a bar (although it never went anywhere). But alas... this was but a fleeting moment in my life, and everything seemed to quiet down.

Now, as luck would have it, I've started talking again to the girl I met at that fatefull new years party. Out of all the girls I've known, she's the most 'settled'... she knows what she wants... where she wants to go... heck, she's even the same age as me (for once)... and all the while, I can feel an attraction toward her. But there-in lies the problem. We haven't even been face to face in over a year... and I'm getting those 'fear of rejection' jitters. And I don't know why. She seems interested enough in me.

So I guess that is my second problem. I need to try and forget all my past history, and go forward with a clean slate. I just don't know how... and it scares the hell out of me.

Huh... that wasn't the entry like I imagined it in my mind... but at least I got it out...

Whew. So my weekend is over. And what a weekend it was. On friday, around 3ish, my friend Chuck called me up, picked me up, and we headed to North Vancouver to have some drinks, hang out with friends, and basically relax. We ended up at the Bourbon St. Pub for the first part of the night, where we hooked up with some of his old friends. Then we headed back to what used to be Montana's in North Van, where we ran into a few more of his friends. We got back to his place around 3am, and passed out watching a couple of movies. Saturday, we caught a double feature of 'The Butterfly Effect' and 'The Perfect Score'. Both great movies, but the butterfly effect was MUCH better. Then we went to our friend Andrew's place... sat around for a while, and went back to chucks... once again passing out watching more movies.

Then I got home, had some sleep... found out my family had been going almost ballistic looking for me. Haha. So I had to spend a little time on the phone calming them down. But it ended well in the end, so thats good. Then I did a little work, and got more sleep.

Its now 4am, and I'm wide awake. Which sucks, because i'm expecting a few phonecalls today about jobs. whoopee... Anyways, I should go. I've got lots more work to be doing...